can I wake up tomorrow?

in case I haven't mentioned it - I am an escapologist. and I contradict myself at times. I tried out tumblr just to see that it doesn't really fit. I like my job, but don't seem to be able to be productive lately. it s so difficult to define something alive, isn't it.
oh, do I need to vent… to let the steam out. my failures to become successfully anonymous and/or anonymously successful have a reason. they must have a reason. I am bad at structure, even worse at defining my theme, my song, my colour, my favourite tv show and my fragrance. definition is so restricting and finite. after finite it becomes boring, plain and at last - untrue. because my truth will always have that “and…”, that “if…”, that “however…”. and that is not a good definition. so why define, why be good at it? why strive? 

kitty from here

because definition is required. continuity is definition, regularity is definition, consistency is definition. definition good, uncertainty - bad. that is how we operate as a society. hell, that is how I operate too. when I watch annoying episodes of SATC or GA, where people don’t define although it is all clear. I am all for clarity, clearly defined relationships, clear rules. clear. good - bad. and I cannot be good in my own book if cannot conform to this. and I never will be able to be defined, clear cut and finite. I am me. life is not tv, and life online is a buffet - I can be as finite as I wish to be. does that mean I am dishonest? yes, I am selective. selectively undefined, thus more true to myself. it makes things complicated, it makes things messy, it discourages to continue. and then I fail. again and again. but does that stop me? hasn’t stopped yet… I want to explore and try to define. define parts, put them together, take them apart and reconstruct. I want to play, still. forget the failure, forget the impossibility of definition. because how else am I supposed to go on?

I was browsing through various 101 thing for 1001 days blogs recently, and while there is something about lists, charts and deadlines, I know myself better than that. Plus, I am not quite sure yet about how private I want to be here, on this oh-so-many-times revisited blogging project. Therefore - something less voluminous, with less structure, something general and personal, without contradicting itself too much: my take on 50 questions that will free the mind 

This will most probably not be a daily thing, mostly for times when I am inclined to go all existentialist. Random Number Generator will help me to be random about the order. Jah, a pun there!

sooo - today it's 11:

question #11 (a long one too):

You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do?

First of all it is hard to imagine that people I respect and admire would come up with distasteful and unjustified criticism. Ok, climbing into the paradigm.. I would ask these people, in a most sobering way possible, why they have these opinions on the person in question. When they fail to reason the criticism, I would make a remark on how dangerous it can be to judge someone whom you don't know, not necessarily stating that the person in question is my friend. And then I would reconsider how much of my respect these people really deserve.