can I wake up tomorrow?

in case I haven't mentioned it - I am an escapologist. and I contradict myself at times. I tried out tumblr just to see that it doesn't really fit. I like my job, but don't seem to be able to be productive lately. it s so difficult to define something alive, isn't it.
oh, do I need to vent… to let the steam out. my failures to become successfully anonymous and/or anonymously successful have a reason. they must have a reason. I am bad at structure, even worse at defining my theme, my song, my colour, my favourite tv show and my fragrance. definition is so restricting and finite. after finite it becomes boring, plain and at last - untrue. because my truth will always have that “and…”, that “if…”, that “however…”. and that is not a good definition. so why define, why be good at it? why strive? 

kitty from here

because definition is required. continuity is definition, regularity is definition, consistency is definition. definition good, uncertainty - bad. that is how we operate as a society. hell, that is how I operate too. when I watch annoying episodes of SATC or GA, where people don’t define although it is all clear. I am all for clarity, clearly defined relationships, clear rules. clear. good - bad. and I cannot be good in my own book if cannot conform to this. and I never will be able to be defined, clear cut and finite. I am me. life is not tv, and life online is a buffet - I can be as finite as I wish to be. does that mean I am dishonest? yes, I am selective. selectively undefined, thus more true to myself. it makes things complicated, it makes things messy, it discourages to continue. and then I fail. again and again. but does that stop me? hasn’t stopped yet… I want to explore and try to define. define parts, put them together, take them apart and reconstruct. I want to play, still. forget the failure, forget the impossibility of definition. because how else am I supposed to go on?

this, Idun, is the Internet!

two boys, an electric drill and a roll of optical cable at Idun's place? that can only mean one thing - I have entered the land of brand new, swooosh, hold on to your hats, I-cannot-believe-how-fast-this-is Internet. and treated myself to a new browser too, busy busy day. 

a still from IT Crowd, season 3 episode 4

   but wait! that's not all - I (the person who has never really gotten the point of all the tweet madness, and is still somewhat puzzled) have joined the evergrowing tweeting community. I don't know how often I will tweet and I certainly hope I'm not becoming a twit by doing that. there's a pun right there, hah! but without further ado, let me document - I am now on twitter. or rather the garden is on twitter. I have to confess - this happened because I read someplace that tweeting about your blog (or blogging about your tweets? retweeting your blog posts? posting your tweets? confused!) should make your blog better, whatever that entails. it brings your blog to the public, gives you a channel of interaction with your community etc etc. well, for someone who is reluctant to call her garden a blog in the first place this is a huge leap.
   I am not sure of most of the terms used in that blog improvement article. there's the paradox with blogging - although I do enjoy the process of writing, the pressure of definition, stats hunt and all that is just too much. and too little, curiously. why blog if you don't want anyone to read it? obviously, if you want to keep things secret you write in a notebook protected by a heart shaped padlock. some online writers have even called it hypocrisy when people say that they blog for themselves. logically enough, if you publish, you intend for your publications to be read.
I don't think writing for oneself and for others is incompatible, in fact I believe that even writing for others you write first of all for yourself. but where do I stand on this, with tweets and all? a proper blog-blog is like a drawing pinned on the board - see, I made this! I am more of a -this is what I draw, take a look if you want to- sort of person. therefore not a "proper blogger" in my understanding, just exploring my blog as I write. and you can join me if you like. tweet tweet!